It's A Miracle!!!

It was nigh improbable, but it has finally happened...A slight motivation to post on my blog has finally coincided with my internet actually functioning. And they said it would never happen...I returned from over 3 weeks of world travelling and arrived to an apartment that had not been cleaned in a month and a roach problem. I accredit this entirely to the Furies, who decided that my apartment need not be cleaned if I wasn't there to see it. Cheers mates. Let's see... I do believe my last post was from Shenzhen. Since sitting down and writing a post is equivalent to pulling out my own teeth, I'll just share the necessary highlights and intimate details of my travels.

After taking a 22 hour train from Shijiazhuang, we arrived in Guangzhou. We had a mere matter of hours to find a commuter train that would take us from Guangzhou to Shenzhen, so we stumbled off the train and started following the throngs in front of us. After a few minutes of bewilderment we heard someone up ahead to the left screaming about Shenzhen on a megaphone. After locating the ticket office for the commuter train I noticed that the person on the megaphone was rather talkative, annoyingly so even. Upon inspection, I discovered that it was actually two train station employees talking to each other, each on a megaphone, less than 10 feet apart. My head nearly exploded.

Well, we made it to Shenzhen safely, and in one piece, although I certainly can't say the same for most of our luggage. Apparently I had a little too much confidence in my 3 dollar suitcase that I purchased from a small storage unit/"store" in the small market next to my school. Within less than a week one of the wheels had somehow retracted inside the suitcase, rendering it into a one-wheeled wonder...or just a giant piece of crap. You really get what you pay for...damn. From Shenzhen we took an early morning ferry to Macau. It was great to be on the water, although the water was basically the color of asphalt. Oh, China.

We disembarked in Macau and were pleasantly surprised to recieve even more stamps in our passports than anticipated. Exiting the ferry terminal we noticed two things: 1) The weather was now a balmy 70 degrees and 2) the cars were on the wrong side of the street. The latter was only obvious after: looking left, stepping into the street, and instantaneous shock,which was accompanied by blaring horns and the sudden realization of our imminent demise. Oh, Macau. In this 'semi-autonomous' region they not only drive the wrong way, but they also speak Portuguese. It was quite an exciting change of pace not to hear Chinese coming from every direction...not to say that Chinese isn't the most pleasant and wondrously musical of languages. After being ripped off unbelievably at the food court of Macau's beautiful airport, we took our newly exchanged Thai Baht and settled down to wait for our plane.

Bangkok. Apparently they drive the wrong way in Thailand as well, but luckily we had practiced looking right, then left, in Macau. Within 30 minutes of arriving in the 'City of Angels,' I had managed to swipe my jeans for a breezy summer skirt, simply because I could do so without risk of frostbite. We managed to make it to our hostel in Bangkok without getting ripped off by the taxi driver as we had feared. However, it was a little difficult to find our new lodgings having only the few directions we had skimmed from the internet, which told us the hostel was "next to the Seven Eleven." (Note to readers: Do not stay at Big John's Backpacker Hostel unless you like rooms the size of closets, filthy bathrooms, and a jerk of an owner.) Little did we know, everything in Thailand is next to a Seven Eleven. It's a government mandate that there must be no fewer than 2 of said establishments on each side of one city block. That's a lot of convenience for one city! It was in the 'lobby' of Big John's that it dawned on me I would need to work on my conversation skills...This occurred to me after having met a young man from Sweden and immediately asking him his thoughts on the wonder that is IKEA. We had been advised that Bangkok's pollution was 'absolutely terrible.' This turned out to be an exaggeration seeing as Bangkok's air on a bad day is still better than that of Shijiazhuang's on a good day. We managed to bum around Bangkok for a bit, even visiting the world's biggest mosaic, comprised entirely by pieces of broken mirrors and ceramic bowls, aka The Grand Palace. It was incredibly beautiful, and rather shiny.

After 3 days of the country's capital we hopped on a train to Pattaya and arrived mid-afternoon. We boarded an open-air taxi, aka pick-up truck with bench seats in the bed, in preparation of being whisked off to our new accommodations. As we got into the city we noticed that the city of Pattaya certainly had a lot going for it in terms of beaches, restaurants, and bars and clubs...and Ladyboys. We spotted our first Ladyboy as they were weaving in out of traffic behind us on a motor scooter. It was the adam's apple that gave it away...And the masculine jaw. However, the taxi didn't stop in that ever-so attractive part of town...It kept driving, and driving...and driving, until we reached the edge of town, where our hotel was located. Okay, I exaggerate. We weren't on the edge of town, just really really close to it. (Note to readers: Do stay at the Jomtien Cozy Inn if you want an incredibly helpful and friendly staff.) We had fed ourselves, piled on SPF 8, met the Ladyboy cashier at the local Seven Eleven, and found a spot on the beach all by 3 o'clock. During the next couple days I accomplished several miraculous tasks: a searing sunburn, discovering the wonder that is Tom Kha Gai, spending an outrageous amount of money, and holding a lemur. In the words of myself, it was Friggin Awesome. After 3 days of Ladyboy and Hooker spotting, we dragged our suitcases along the scorching asphalt for several kilometers, on a scorching 95 degree afternoon, and caught a bus to Rayong.

We knew Rayong was known for its' beaches and not its' tourist attractions, so we hit the beach ASAP. I noticed that the beaches were different than those of Pattaya in that the sand seemed to have a strange texture...There seemed to be random holes all over the beach, surrounded by tiny rice-sized pellets of sand... And thus I encountered the crabs. From that point on, I no longer felt safe on the beach and had to stave off near-panic attacks every time I had to walk across that infested sand...My frail heart is not equipped for anything with an exoskeleton (other than a ladybug). After a few days of sunbathing and relaxing in Rayong, it was time to move on.

Somehow, we made it through several buses, taxis, and even a ferry and found ourselves on the lovely island of Koh Chang. Yes, I was on a tropical island. TROPICAL. We arrived at our beachfront bungalow at about 7 in the evening. Did I mention we had a Beachfront Bungalow? It was amazing, despite the ant infestation in the bathroom. Our time in Koh Chang passed in a relaxing blur of shopping, eating and sun-bathing. Our resort had a yummy restaurant and a wonderful waiter who could have been a voice-double for Fez from That 70's Show...Every morning we could count on him for a sweetly effeminate 'Good-morning' and even had the delight of hearing him practice his English by reading aloud a dialogue about interesting Pop Music. Maybe you just had to be there... Unfortunately, the beach by our resort was even more crab-laden than that in Rayong (I'm saying you can't walk on the beach without stepping on a tinyevilcrab...), and I was forced to sun-bathe next to the gorgeous Infinity pool that was a mere 20 feet from the Gulf of Thailand. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make... We managed to spend even more money on amazing jewelry and Chang Beer t-shirts and even found an Italian bakery where we could buy a hunk of Parmigiano Reggiano and ciabatta for 1 USD. On our last night we ventured to a little Italian restaurant, or trattoria, named Invito. The atmosphere was perfect...The night sky and warm ocean breeze were only slightly sullied by the bar full of hookers, next door, dancing and singing drunkenly to Sean Paul and Jay-Z.

In the end, facing the disaster that is the Chinese Train System, we chose to book a flight from Shenzhen to Macau and fore go the 20+ hours of train rides it would take to get home. However, I was a little careless with booking our flight and the flight time and the ferry-times didn't quite line up...Therefore, we had the privilege of walking over the Chinese border from Macau into Shenzhen. This was pretty cool for two reasons: 1) we were going across a national border on foot and 2) we had been under the impression Macau was an island...All I'll say is that maps can be difficult to read.

And now, here I am, back in the Shizz... What can I say that I've learned from my travels?

• It's incredibly difficult to use the bathroom on a Thai bus while it's moving, but it can be done.
• There are few things that can match the entertainment value and awe of spotting Ladyboys, especially when they hit on your male friends...
• The King of Thailand seems to be quite popular with his citizens.
• If a Thai woman is unusually beautiful, chances are that She's really a He.
• Although the food in Thailand is infinitely more varied and delicious than that of China, I still found myself craving fried rice and noodles at all hours of the day.
• There's always room for one more t-shirt in my suitcase.