An American Geography Lesson

The names in the following conversation have been changed to protect the participant's identity...and dignity.

Hilary: We're going to Hanoi first.
Shmemily: Oh cool!...Why is Hanoi popular?
H: It's the capital.
S: The capital of what?
H: Vietnam...
S: Really...What's Bangkok the capital of?
H: Thailand...
S: Really!

So, dearest reader, this will be my last post before my travels begin. I leave tomorrow for a brief three week journey to wonders outside the walls of China. Thank g-d. Before I depart, I'll leave you a few gems of insight.

-Apparently the only two things I learned during my 5 months in Australia were the proper use for "stubbies" and that the flag bears the Southern Cross. Literally, that's all I can remember.
-Most of us have heard that the water in China isn't exactly safe for drinking. Turns out, it isn't safe for goldfish either. Oops.
-There's nothing quite like the hodge podge of music that one hears in China. The Backstreet Boys is most popular, as always. But, just yesterday, I was lucky enough to enjoy a taxi ride serenaded by the gentle notes of House of Pain's 'Jump Around.' Not to be outdone, I also had the pleasure of hearing a student practice their harmonica in our dormitory.

Hilary: So, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask after class.
Student: Could you explain the grammatical significance of this passage in my book?
H: Hmmm...Not really.

-Without fail, the soundtrack to 'Forest Gump' is played on our school's broadcast system everyday at 4.
-It's obvious that China has taken its toll on my mental and physical well-being...Especially after I eat an entire bag of popcorn in one sitting...and then accidentally eat a chocolate bar. Have to look good for those Thai beaches!!
-Most food products in China don't have their expiration dates listed, only production dates...So, if anyone could please tell me the shelf life for peach yogurt, I'd really save myself some unsavory morning surprises.

One morning, Someone Else (I swear, it wasn't me!) was waiting for their chauffeured ride to their second job. However, this morning was different from all those other early Friday's because the driver was 10 minutes late...This would have been easily dismissed, but, the driver was then 20 minutes late to pick up Someone Else later that afternoon.
Ms. Liu: (via mobile phone) The driver will be there in 10 minutes. Please wait.
Someone Else: Okay.
ML: (in person) The driver wants me to tell you that he is sorry.
SE: It's okay.
ML: He was very drunk last night and this morning he was very tired. He hopes you will understand.
SE: Of course...

And with that, I'm off to my home for Cousin Bob's three week's of wedding festivities... Check back soon because I just may keep you informed of Someone Else's adventures in Vietnam and Thailand!

-Apparently the memo has gone out because the Chinese appear to have finally stopped wearing their long underwear. I guess the weather had to make the jump from a chilly 80 to a sweltering 85 degrees for the ordinance to take effect.
-I may just have to pull my hair out if forced to attempt to acquire train tickets at the Beijing West Station again...it reminds me a lot of the outer circles of Purgatory.
-My TV hasn't been turned on in two months thanks to the abundance of pirated DVD's and the lack of decent programming on the fabulous CCTV 9 (the only English language station, which shows the same programs every 3 hours)...oh, CCTV, how I loathe thee!
-Spring has finally hit the Shizz in full force. The weather is lovely, for the most past, and there are blue skies every few days. The trees are blooming with milkweed and even some gorgeous pink blossoms...This, of course, means it's time for the City Works Department to come and cut all the branches off the trees again. Oh, China.

Knock Knock

Unknown Knocker: (knocks)
Hilary: (briskly crosses the foyer, opens door)
That One Guy: Hello. Hilary.
Hilary: Hi?
TOG: They [the Furies] want to know if they can come put some poison in your room.
Hilary: Okay...

Yes, that's how my Monday evening began. I promise, it's not as bad as it seems...well, sorta. Ever since I returned from my spring travels, my kitchen has been haunted by cockroaches, which were referred to by TOG as "black beetles," in a rather nonchalant manner that infuriated me. His visit was to inform me that my university has finally purchased some serious anti-insect stuff for my apartment...It only took 3 months, which is pretty fast when you consider the bureaucracy that makes China tick! You may wonder how I've survived these last months with a kitchen infested with Satan's spawn. It's really quite simple, my desire to eat slightly outweighs my fear of roaches. The only damage done so far is my anxiety attacks upon entering my kitchen, and roach guts on the bottom of my fluffy slippers...Yum.

Please stay tuned because I may just get off my ass and write something else in the next few days. No promises though.