What's So Cool About China?

As much as China positively infuriates me at times, such as when I'm at the train station, there are a multitude of phenomenon that make it all worthwhile. For those of you that know me, it will come as no surprise that most of these have to do with food. So, let me count the ways...

• The unbelievable dirt-cheapness of everything.
• The pounds of locally grown fresh fruit that you can buy for little more than a dime on every street corner...Come to think of it, there isn't a street corner here that doesn't sell something.
• The pirated DVDs of nearly every American and English movie and television show imaginable, often for less than a dollar a disc.
• The Korean BBQ's on nearly every corner. There are few things more delicious than spiced lamb kebabs at 3 in the morning after a night of debauchery.
• The MSG. While I avoid this in America, that's just impossible here, as it's used just as much as salt and pepper... And it just turns out to be delicious!
• The designer-impostor version of everything. You too can have your own fake Louis Vuitton purse, Chanel No. 5, and Victoria Beckham jeans for less than 15 dollars. For just another couple of dollars, they might even look like the real thing... Did I mention I'm now in love with Mulberry?
• The Sweet and Sour Chicken that is just like that of Panda Express, but cheaper, and in China.

And my two absolute favorites (for the moment, that is)

• The little ramshackle street 'cafes' centered around 12 foot high piles of watermelon. You can pay by the kilo and they'll crack open a fresh melon for you to eat right then and there. Oh, summer!
• I get to learn about Tibet, from real live Tibetans. That's pretty cool.

A Funny Thing Happened at Work the Other Day...

So, as I sit here eating Skippy peanut butter from the jar, I'd like to share a few anecdotes from this morning's lesson. We've been discussing controversial topics in class, i.e. gun control and abortion, as a means for my students to learn how to better express their opinions and beliefs. While some students offered genuinely well-spoken insight, others....not so much. A group of my Tibetan boys had this to say on the topic of nuclear weapons:

"We have them. In Tibet. We have two. They are this big (stretching his arms out)... And it's a secret."

This was shortly followed by another male student, screaming the lyrics to an American pop song, which came out as:

"Somebody hit the rights!"

I gave him a stern look, began to sing the actual lyrics in my head, and walked away. Almost immediately my back was greeted with the serenade:

"I wanna hooold you!"

It's at that point that I began to hope they really had no idea what they were saying.

I finally splurged at the 'gourmet' supermarket and bought some Frosted Flakes...only to find out that my stomach reeeally doesn't like UHT milk.

My day took a turn for the worse when the previously promising grey sky turned sunny...I may have to attend English Corner after all.

And now for something completely different, a bit of good news... I can hardly contain my excitement, and it's all I can do to refrain from dancing about my classrooms all day, but I finally have a one-way ticket back to America on July 30th. Hallelujah! I'm sorry, did I sound overly eager to flee this country? Ooops.

What's in a Name?

(not the most interesting post, but a look-inside my classroom nonetheless)

Now, as the end of my stay looms near, I believe it's finally time to share one of the brightest joys of my teaching... My students' choice in English names. While I post these names because some of them amuse, while others cause may cause disbelief, it's important to understand the process by which they're arrived at. Each English major in my college is required to choose an English name at the beginning of their studies. There are several ways by which this is done, but nearly all of the students have absolutely no idea what name to pick, as per commonality, etc. Thus, many names are chosen from a variety of sources:

Literature - i.e. I have students named both Jane and Eyre, as well as Elizabeth, a la Lizzie Bennet of 'Pride and Prejudice.'

English /American Cinema - "I found my name in a film that was about a girl who fell in love." Somehow, this has led to a multitude of Jenny's, Annie's, and Ella's.

The Dictionary - Many of my students have Chinese-English dictionaries with a section on English names. Unfortunately, these sections don't say anything about the meaning of the names, nor the popularity/timeliness of it... Therefore, in every class I have 20 year old students named Alice, Ruth, Jean, Janet, Joan, Martin, Edward, Belinda, Melba, and my favorite... Fanny. (and yes, I realize these are the names of many of my relatives, but they are all over 35)

I Made My Own English Name! - This is how I found Henty, Wanny, Denty, Salida, Domy, and Kanony.

Seemingly Random Words, Used as Names - To be honest, these are some of my absolute favorites. Cry, Grape, Heaven (a boy), Tear, King (a girl and a boy), Germ, White, Tree, Spring, Summer, Dawn, Water, Sunshine (and they've never even heard of Haight-Ashbury!), Sunlight, Sunny, Skye (who sits next to Sunny), Iceless, Monkey, Seven, Star (another boy), Spark, and Doing.

Music/Pop Culture - Thanks to Pop Music from America (or is it Colombia?), Korea and China, I have students named Shakira, Rain and Sweet. I was also graced with the pleasure of one of my more shy Tibetan students approaching me to ask me if she could change her name to Beyonce.

Sports - Thank goodness for the NBA. Without it I wouldn't have a McGrady or an Alston, and I would be at a total loss without an Allen or two in every single class. A couple examples of the joy these names bring me:

Hilary: What's your English name?

Student: Kobe.

Hilary: Kobe like the beef, or Kobe like the alleged rapist? (I promise I only said this part to myself)

"Dear Teacher, I am ill and I would like to go rest so can I leave class early?
- #23 Allen Iverson"

And there you have it. In the meanwhile, I will do my best to keep occupied during my last couple months in China. My current modes of spending my copious free time include: sleeping, eating, and reading menus for the restaurants I plan to frequent when I get home. And of course, attempting to gather much more entertaining material for my next post... It would sure help pass the time if someone commented on my blog, and by someone, I mean anyone...Was that too subtle?

The Art of Chinese Conversation or Adventures With Tact

As some of you may have expected, the Chinese employ subtly different conventions when using English, which may catch a few native English speakers off guard. After having dinner with a Chinese couple, I've managed to gather a few examples...

Viola: Where is David?
Hilary: He's back in England.
Viola: So, he has left you all alone?
Hilary: Uh huh...

Mike: You know what? I've been a fan of the X-Files for many years.

Viola: My husband is a little fat and he is trying to lose weight, so every time someone says he looks a bit thinner, he is very excited. (Her husband is present when this is mentioned)

Viola: I think I will maybe find a handsome American boy while I am in America.
Mike:I will hire someone to check on my wife while she is in America. How do you say... an agent?

Viola: You look like you've put on some weight.

And I couldn't leave you without this tasty tidbit from one of my more soft-spoken students...

Hilary: What's your English name?
Student: Germ.
Hilary: Why'd you choose Germ as your English name?
Germ: Because I want to seep into the population's blood stream so that I can control them.
Hilary: Oh.

Finally, I offer yet another example of how my brain is rotting away:

After pondering a conversation in which a student said "I very much like music," I had to sit and think about whether or not 'much' was a word... My head hurts.

The long days of intense summer heat, and the lack of air conditioning in my classrooms, have only served to intensify my affinity for Tang. Ahhhh.

What do I like most about summer? Well, to put it simply, popsicles. The Chinese have nearly perfected the art of the popsicle with a myriad of flavors, shapes and textures. However, they still have a ways to go on the sewage and transportation systems.

The cost of living in the Shizz varies widely according to my cheese cravings. A simple lunch of an egg and veggie wrap, with a pineapple popsicle of course, only runs me 5 yuan. An all out binge at the World Trade Plaza, never complete without pillaging their tiny cheese selection, totals a whopping 98-120 yuan.

I managed to make it through my last weekend with Dave, which was incredibly enjoyable and heavy-hearted all at the same time. This was in part thanks to the company of his lovely parents, several beverages of choice, and the gorgeous surroundings of the Beijing Westin. It passed with only one case of food poisoning (Dave's) and several incidents of crying like it was my job. Now I'd like to take the time to share a few quotes from our weekend:

Friday afternoon, after early morning journeys on the train...
Dave: I may have stuck a Polo in my ear this morning.
Hilary: What's a Polo?
Dave: A breathmint.
Hilary: Oh...
Dave: I thought it was my iPod earphone...

Playing around in the pool...
Dave: Get on my shoulders!
Hilary: Okeydokey.
Monica: Can you put me on your shoulders too? Ste said he won't let me get on his shoulders!
Dave: No.

Wandering around Wangfujing...
Dave: Where's Mam?
Stephen: Looking at shoes...

Dinner and drinks were finished and it was time to head back to the hotel...
Dave: Well, it's time to make like a donkey's...willy, and hit the road.
Monica: I remember the first time I saw a horse's...

And finally...
Monica: You put any of this on your blog and you're in big trouble!

And in the interest of brevity, I'll cut this one short and leave you with one final thought. The FDA recently issued a consumer health warning advising against using toothpaste made in China... As if there's any other toothpaste readily available to me right now.