"Hey Hilary, what brightens your day?" Presents!! Well, actually, the first thing that comes to mind is multi-colored chalk. There is no other sure-fire way to make me grin while I am teaching, than to hand me a piece of blue, green, or purple chalk. It's amazing. Yes, my priorities certainly have changed. Getting back to my point, I figure that most of my readers are now struggling with the conundrum of what to send Hilary for Chanukkah and her BIRTHDAY. Here are a few brilliant ideas, courtesy of yours truly:
-A puppy.
-A menorah and some candles. A lot of candles.
-An E-card.
-Ramen flavor packets. Preferably Creamy Chicken...Everything here seems to be either pork or seafood flavored.
-Microwave popcorn. Heavy on that fake butter flavor, please. They have Kit Kat's and potato chips here, but NO buttered popcorn for the love of g-d!!!!
-A sweater. A nice wool blend. Reindeer are optional, but appreciated.
-A mix CD. It's hard to stay up to date on the current hits in America. The Chinese are still stuck on the Backstreet Boys.
-Cold, Hard, Cash.
-An iTunes gift card. I really want to watch Scrubs. (Hey! No shipping necessary for this one, you can do it online!)
-A wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano. I am not joking. I would be eternally grateful.
-Sufjan Stevens. I'd really like to meet him.

Just in case...My address:
Dr. Hilary Dubinsky*
International Student Building Rm.101
Hebei Normal University
#469 Hongqi Dajie, Shijiazhuang,
Hebei 050091, P.R.China
*Interestingly enough, there are no laws in China that prevent me from passing myself off as a fully licensed Doctor. Glorious!

Here are a few things that crack me up, but may only be understood by those who have been to China, or have studied it:
-When the Chinese teachers at my school actually bother to talk to me, it's usually to ask for the explanation of a word (yes, some may call this a "definition"), or for help with pronounciation. The best word I have been asked about... Bourgeois. (Cultural Revolution, Hellloo!)
-There are dealers on every street corner in my city...However, they only seem to sell fresh produce and roasted sweet potatoes. It sure ain't Des Moines!
-It's not uncommon to hear English music, or Chinese versions of it, while wandering around China. I am subjected to Michael Jackson and the Backstreet Boys on a daily basis, thanks to the ultra-hip hair salon by my school. Yesterday, I was awakened by the The Furies, who were screaming "If you're happy and you know it," in the hallway. In Chinese, of course. While I was riding home one morning, my taxi driver delighted me with the instrumental version of "Dust in the Wind." It was nearly perfect except for the thousands of fireworks being set off on the streets which nearly drowned out the sweet notes of Kansas.

I gave my classes the task of creating their own ideal countries. Here are some of the utterly ridiculous things that came out of my mouth in the process:
"I want you to describe the culture and customs of your new country. For example, American culture is rooted in free speech and Chinese culture values friendship. Customs? Well, some Chinese customs would be eating rice...and wearing knee-high boots... You all really like to wear boots." (I am an idiot, but my explanation got the idea across to them)
"Your new country has intelligent robots that carry out all of your labor? Don't you realize that if you build intelligent machines that they WILL take over?!" (teaching is melting my mind)
"China? I think maybe you need a different name for your brand-new-never-heard-of-before country."

Teaching is a real power trip. On a weekly basis I have the privilege of giving students their very own English name. As a result, there are several more Emily's at my school. Now I know how Adam must have felt.

"Hey, Hilary. What have you been obsessively playing on iTunes lately?" What an excellent query! "Zorba the Greek," by LCD Soundsystem. "Of Angels and Angels," by the Decemberists...and, "40 Feet," by Franz Ferdinand.

As a teacher, I disseminate (<-Big Word Alert!!) all sorts of new and fascinating information to my students. Here are a few of the gems I have dished out that were met by dropped jaws and stares of indredulity (is that a word?):
-"Your blood is actually blue while it is inside your body, it turns red when exposed to oxygen. This may or may not have something to do with hemoglobin. I really have no idea."
-"In America, it's okay to take off your coat or sweater in front of other people." (It took me a long while to realize why my students gasped every time I took my sweater off. Turns out the removal of clothing is simply not done in public here.)
-"Nobody likes George W. Bush."
-"I don't celebrate Christmas."
-"You cannot drink until you are 21 years old in America."
-"Do not hug strangers in America." (This was instructed upon hearing of Free Hug Clubs in China)
-"Cleverer is not a word."
-"I think you need to change that word because it's like an adverb...or a modifier...or, yeah, you know." (I, uhm, did not pay attention in Grammar)

I know you're interested, so here are my thoughts on the current US news, in short. (most of which I read from IMDB):
-"There is that slight worry of hypothermia but it shouldn't happen. By hour 48 this is going to be really interesting." David Blaine. Suspended in some contraption, again. Douche.
-Michael Richards. Go the f@*k away.
-The Black Dahlia. Other than Josh Hartnett's tuchis, it has no redeeming qualities.