Oh, John!

As some of you may, or may not, have noticed, the blog has been on a bit of a hiatus. Why? Because I've had better things to do. So, as I sit here in the Watermelon Shake that was spilled on me at dinner, I shall recount my most recent endeavors in a prose befitting only the most accomplished and worthy readers...(where did that come from?!)

I finished up my teaching gig at the Tibetan College on July 6th, after a week full of rather amusing oral exams. I then did an absolutely terrible job of packing the ridiculous amount of things that I've acquired. I still managed to fill a giant suitcase, two duffels and two backpacks, even after combing through everything and discarding a fair amount of junk. On July 7th, I headed to Beijing to meet my bestest friend/baby sister, Emily, at the airport. We spent a week travelling about and taking naps in in Beijing, Shijiazhuang, and Tianjin; quite the adventure! The rest of my hobbit family arrived late on July 16th, as their flight had been delayed nearly 7 hours. However, Emily and I only discovered the flight delay after making the hour long trip to the airport at 2 pm. Needless to say, we learned a lesson about checking flight status before leaving. Since the fam arrived, we've been travelling around quite a bit and I've decided that now (since I'm bored and the internet is available) would be a good time to tell you about our first adventure: Xi'an.

Like many tourists, my family decided to visit the famed Terracotta Soldiers. We were up in the wee hours, around 7, and then binged at the complimentary breakfast buffet at the Shangri-La Golden Flower Hotel. Then, with our bellies full of non-kosher items, we meandered to the first floor to wait for our tour group. That's when we met our guide, John. He had great English, but I guess some things must be learned from inside an English-speaking culture and other things just don't translate. By and far, he was the most entertaining aspect of the tour, which is why I will not describe any part of world-famous Terracotta Army (they were made of clay and there were many of them), but, instead I will only recount the sayings of John.

• We arrived the afternoon before to a Xi'an that was thoroughly covered in a downpour and the rainstorms had followed through the night and into the morning of our tour. Once situated in the tour van, John introduced himself and said "You can tell it's raining today...It's good."
• As our van pulled away from the hotel, John said "For now we're making the first turn, you're going to like this" At this point, we were treated to a view of nearly 20 couples practicing their ballroom dancing moves to techno music, beneath a highway underpass. My family was quite surprised, however this type of thing is quite common here.
• John's description of widely varied Chinese Cuisine: "For lunch, you can try any food you like. Spicy, non-spicy, vegetarian, or not."
• Another description, this time of Chinese fruits: "We have all the fruits. Grape and pomegranate."
• After giving us the day's itinerary, John opened the floor for questions. There were only three families on our tour, from three different countries. My family, the obnoxious Americans, had already asked several ridiculous questions, so the torch was passed to the siblings from England who gave a polite "Nothing yet, thanks." At that point, John asked if there were "any questions from Denmark," as that's were the last family was from. For some reason, the Danes thought it would be absolutely hilarious to ask when it would stop raining, at which point John said "I'm sorry, I'll have to call about that."
• John also took the time to point out fascinating landmarks: "Here we got a river, yes."
• John told us about his travels to the US: "I've been there. I went to Las Vegas. I saw David Copperfield, he shook my hand and made me disappear. You can shake my hand, it will be practically the same things as shaking his.
• John also told us about his fondness for American media: "I like talk shows. Have you seen Friends?" He also elaborated on his favorite movie stars, which of course included Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, and a fellow named "Al Passino."
• John's explanation of China's tourism industry: "Everybody wanna be here."

My, that was a long post! I hope you've managed to wade through it and that a few bits were amusing. For now, I shall head back to my bungalow on Chaweng Beach. The next post may take a while, so in the mean time, I'll need some comments on my blog to serve as motivation (was that subtle enough?)!