Two posts in one day! It's almost like I don't have a job...

• In case you haven't figured it out, things in China don't usually happen like you would hope they would. This being said, I plan to purchase a large cow bell, which I shall wear aound my neck, just so that I can ring it every time something makes sense around here.
• My kitchen is not the cleanest (send Lysol) of places. One day, while hoping to reheat some fried rice, I discovered that the Chinese smoglight had solidified on the surface of my favorite bowl. That's not hot.
• I really miss Western food. Especially things with cheese and butter... that have been prepared in clean workplaces.

The following are two of my favorite conversations thus far in China. I have paraphrased for my own amusement and convenience.
Phone rings. 8 AM on Wednesday. Class doesn't start til 10 and I plan on sleeping in late.

• Jenny: Uhm, hello, Hilary?
• Hilary: Hello Jenny. How are you?
• Jenny: Uh, I am sorry to have waked you.
• Hilary: Oh no, it's okay.
• Jenny: Uhm, you know the president of our college wishes to meet you.
• Hilary: Oh really? When?
• Jenny: In one hour.
• Hilary: (oh phuck) Okay, I will be there at 9.

English Corner. Thursday, 7:10 PM.

• Jenny: Hilary, I uhm maybe have some bad news for you.
• Hilary: Oh no, what is it?
• Jenny: I have receieved a message from Mr. Zhang. He called when I was out, so another person took the message.
• Hilary: Okay...
• Jenny: You should prepare...uhm...800 Yuan to bring tomorrow.
• Hilary: What the !!*&#$&@!!

Because of conversations like this, I have found myself becoming increasingly upset at stationary objects. Anything lying on my floor should beware of my wrath.

• In America, if someone is walking around with headphones on, you usually wouldn't speak to them, especially if they were a stranger. However, in the Middle Kingdom, my desire to be incommunicado does not translate. This has lead to a number of irritating encounters with street solicitors.
• Around 10 AM, what I can only assume was rifle practice, began on the sports field outside of my window. Each time a shot went off, it was accompanied by the car alarm it had just triggered. Maybe this is why I don't get as much sleep as I used to.
• The Chinese in the Shizz have put a massive amount of time and money into landscaping their city. The city is covered by numerous topiary feats that blow my mind. However, having spent time in close proximity with a number of citizens while using public transportation, I can say that their desire to trim shrubbery does not translate to their own body hair.